Sojourning....
I feel as if God has been pressing in a truth on my heart for the past few weeks. Or maybe I'm just under attack? For someone who has sought after God for so long, why do I still not recognize the voice speaking into my heart?
Last week at BSF a question cut me to the core. It asked, "In what ways are others experiencing an abundance of spiritual blessings through His presence in you?" and I honestly had a difficult time answering it....an abundance of spiritual blessings....His presence in me....the cutting truth is that I don't even see my life touching others enough to have blessings flow - my life revolves around my own walk w/ Christ and my family, by nature very introverted...which led me to the heart stopping question of is His presence really in me then.... because if His presence is in me shouldn't my life be more extroverted then for His blessings to flow out of me?
Then after answering that question with all the sense of "failure" it brought me, I went to lecture and was cut to the core again...."the chief work of the Holy Spirit is to shine the light on Christ. The focus is always Christ. To know when something is the true work of the Holy Spirit, you just have to ask the question is the testimony about Christ or about me?"
Thoughts of this blog, of leading worship at church, of teaching my children at home, of being a wife, a daughter, a friend...of all that I do brought me to tears because none of it is a true testimony of Christ - too often, without me even realizing it, it becomes about me. This is not a new revelation to me, it just hurts to realize I haven't grown, haven't changed, haven't become more of Him and less of me.
We have friends who are on fire for the Lord and are bringing people to knowing Christ, just through life and sharing with them. I feel so blessed to see them being used by God, yet how am I being used? When have I ever led someone to knowing Christ?! It's hard to not follow the despair that my Christian life is nothing when I examine these areas of lacking blessings.
So, with conviction, comes repentance and then change....Lord - how do change my life, my heart, my attitude, this blog, my service at church to be a testimony of Christ? This is my journey right now, this is my prayer, cry and work. If I was to pass away this day, would He be pleased with the walk I've led or would He say, "Charli, you missed so many opportunities I created to bless others by sharing me... You tried to know me, but you totally missed the mark."
May it never be! Press in on my Lord, until I do the work You've called me to do. Refine me in the heat of conviction from my impurities....Mold me and make me into a reflection of You.
Last week at BSF a question cut me to the core. It asked, "In what ways are others experiencing an abundance of spiritual blessings through His presence in you?" and I honestly had a difficult time answering it....an abundance of spiritual blessings....His presence in me....the cutting truth is that I don't even see my life touching others enough to have blessings flow - my life revolves around my own walk w/ Christ and my family, by nature very introverted...which led me to the heart stopping question of is His presence really in me then.... because if His presence is in me shouldn't my life be more extroverted then for His blessings to flow out of me?
Then after answering that question with all the sense of "failure" it brought me, I went to lecture and was cut to the core again...."the chief work of the Holy Spirit is to shine the light on Christ. The focus is always Christ. To know when something is the true work of the Holy Spirit, you just have to ask the question is the testimony about Christ or about me?"
Thoughts of this blog, of leading worship at church, of teaching my children at home, of being a wife, a daughter, a friend...of all that I do brought me to tears because none of it is a true testimony of Christ - too often, without me even realizing it, it becomes about me. This is not a new revelation to me, it just hurts to realize I haven't grown, haven't changed, haven't become more of Him and less of me.
We have friends who are on fire for the Lord and are bringing people to knowing Christ, just through life and sharing with them. I feel so blessed to see them being used by God, yet how am I being used? When have I ever led someone to knowing Christ?! It's hard to not follow the despair that my Christian life is nothing when I examine these areas of lacking blessings.
So, with conviction, comes repentance and then change....Lord - how do change my life, my heart, my attitude, this blog, my service at church to be a testimony of Christ? This is my journey right now, this is my prayer, cry and work. If I was to pass away this day, would He be pleased with the walk I've led or would He say, "Charli, you missed so many opportunities I created to bless others by sharing me... You tried to know me, but you totally missed the mark."
May it never be! Press in on my Lord, until I do the work You've called me to do. Refine me in the heat of conviction from my impurities....Mold me and make me into a reflection of You.
Soli Deo Gloria! (To God alone be the glory!)
